


Not Him

by ikkka



Series: Explicit Fanfictions [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Coping, Drabble, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Kolinahr (Star Trek), M/M, Pegging, Pining, Rough Sex, Sad James T. Kirk, Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Very Loose Mentions of Spock, it's consensual but he's not in the best frame of mind, like at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikkka/pseuds/ikkka
Summary: If he keeps his eyes shut closed, thinks three times and believes, maybe he can flip over and find the man he'd give anything to see at all, let alone here and now; but instead, her weight shifts off the bed, and when Kirk forces his aching muscles to flip himself over and confront what he'd rather forget already, he opens his eyes and only sees her.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Explicit Fanfictions [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673440
Kudos: 28





	Not Him

**Author's Note:**

> m sad n angsty and it's 1 am, therefore this exists now
> 
> it also gave me an excuse to properly write something about two headcanons of mine:  
> 1) kirk is into pegging  
> 2) kirk uses sex as a coping mechanism
> 
> this drabble takes place during the gap in between TOS/TAS and TMP, after spock has left for the kolinahr.
> 
> also I promise I'll write something actually substantial soon akskksmsk I've just been really busy
> 
> whatever lol. enjoy it for what it is!
> 
> EDIT 07/26/20: Just fixed some irrelevant grammar tidbits, and updated tags.

The woman behind him--he met her an hour ago and he's already forgotten her name--pins him down to the mattress by his waist and fucks him into it, rolling her hips against his in that precise manner that gets him one step closer to the edge, moaning into the bedsheet he's biting to keep his mouth full.

Kirk screws his eyes shut and tries to block out the _feminine_ moans, the laborious pants matching his, and the breathing that's tantalizingly close to his neck. He tries to disregard the glaringly _synthetic_ feel of the strap on being thrust in and out at a quick steady pace; he tries to imagine who he'd rather have pounding him into a bed--or anywhere, really, as long as it was _him_ \--and the emotional feelings he'd rather replace the overbearing _hollowness_ that only seems to grow more and more void with each pointed thrust.

Eventually, the sheer friction alone builds up enough pressure in his core to send white over his vision and onto the bedsheets, trapped between the dark red fabric and his bare abdomen, causing a stickiness he'll loathe and scrub off when she leaves. He doesn't have to wait too much longer until the woman is catching her own high, bucking and slowing her thrusts as she rides out her silent and shaky orgasm.

She gently withdraws, tentatively pulling the strap on out, letting go of her bruising grip on Kirk's waist and letting him sink further into the bed by his own weight. If he keeps his eyes shut closed, thinks three times and believes, maybe he can flip over and find the man he'd give anything to see at all, let alone here and now; but instead, her weight shifts off the bed, and when Kirk forces his aching muscles to flip himself over and confront what he'd rather forget already, he opens his eyes and only sees her.

She's now a few feet away from the end of the bed, gathering up tossed clothing and re-dressing herself as she goes.

"Did you enjoy it?" She has the audacity to ask him. Kirk stares up at the ceiling instead of meeting her gaze head-on, like a coward. He licks his lips and tries to wet his drying mouth, but all he can taste is the remnants of her and the imaginative phantom of who he'd rather have.

"Yes." He responds. It comes out of his mouth and he can hear how deadpanned and disingenuous it sounds; but she's either gullible enough to genuinely fall for it, or she simply _doesn't care enough_ to call him out on such an obvious lie.


End file.
